Marital Issues

Are You a Sweet Wife?

Ask my husband if I’m a sweet wife and I’m pretty sure he’ll just laugh at your question. That’s one thing he kept on airing out to me. He believes that I have no sweet bone in my body, to which I vehemently disagree (Of course I didn’t tell him this).

Well, I’m not the cloying nor the clingy type, but whenever we go out I hook my arm around his’, sometimes we hold hands while walking, I stroke his back, I lean my head on his broad shoulder. But obviously, it seems not enough for him.

I sometimes accuse him of being needy and clingy when I get irritated. Sometimes I ask myself: Is it me or is it him? In my analysis, it’s probably not the adult in him who yearns for a lot of physical touch, that maybe it’s the child/infant in him who is yearning for physical affection, the need which was not fulfilled in his childhood/infancy – talk about reparenting the child within.

I get it that he wants me to give him surprise hugs and kisses. I’m willing to give him those. But I also told him that we meet halfway: I’ll work more on expressing my physical affection while he reparent his inner child.

I couldn’t fulfill the needs that should have been met by his childhood caregivers, especially his mother, but I could sure fullfill his needs as his wife. Because yes, our unmet childhood needs resurface in our adulthood, and almost always we’re not even aware of it.

But as a spouse, I also need to adjust and listen and honor my husband’s needs – even if it includes his personal issues. So that said, I decided to give him a massage at least twice a week and a daily dose of hugs. With that, I hope that he would feel more secured and loved by me. However I couldn’t promise that I will perfectly be consistent, but I’m gonna try my best.

Sweetness is subjective, and it could depend on your partner’s emotional needs and love language. To some, sweetness means giving gifts no matter how small or inexpensive it is; to others it could mean expressing words of affection, or celebrating special occasions. The important thing here is we see sweetness in the eyes of our partner and we try to speak their language of love. And of course, it goes both ways.

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