INFJ Diary

Your compliments and criticisms don`t define me

In the dance of nature, one doesn`t normally say to a bee, “Oh, you`re an excellent bee for creating such sweet honey.” No, we don`t do that. The bee is just doing what it is created for. So compliment it or criticize it, it will not be budged. It will keep on doing what it is doing – to make honey.

In the same vein, if you tell me how a good mother, how a good wife, how a good counselor I am, I will just take it as a feedback to what I`m doing. Just like with a negative feedback, it is what it is — a feedback. Something to help me see if what I`m doing is effective or not, destructive or not, so I could change my approach. It doesn`t say something about me as a person. Because in the dance of nature, I am just doing what I am supposed to be doing – to be a mother, to be a wife, to be a counselor.

If I feel good about myself with your compliment or feel bad because of your criticism then I am identifying with my ego. I am not your compliment nor am I your criticism. I am more and deeper than that. This I have to remember.

I`m not saying that I will be frugal with my show of appreciation. I actually wanted to be a generous giver of genuine and heartfelt compliments. Yet how the receiver does with it, is no more my concern.

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