INFJ Diary

He’s calming my raging mind

Ever since I went back to graduate school, after 10 months of hiatus, I’ve been constantly thinking a lot. As in a lot, to the point that I started having headache, as if my head is getting heavy because of obsessive thinking.

I ruminate about the past events and keep on turning it over and over in my head. Like, I’d think about the comment I’ve made – oh, how improper could it be. I’d think about my present academic situation and how I’d like so badly to get out of it, but have really no choice. I also worry a lot about the future: what if I won’t pass my exam two years from now, then all of our money and time spent in school will be for nothing? What if I couldn’t properly homeschool my daughter? Can my family life cope with being disrupted caused by my school requirements?

My mind would go on endlessly, jumping from one thought, one concern, to another. That’s the problem with me, I dwell in the past events and dwell of what if’s in the future. This is doing me no good. When I gravitate on negative thoughts, I would automatically feel negative feelings and heaviness on my body. And since our brain consumes 20% of our body’s energy, I would easily get tired despite not doing much. So I really need to cope with this. I tried coloring, and it’s helpful. But I couldn’t rely on it, because I would be consuming much of my time coloring.

But then a few days ago, while I was reading my daughter a Bible story, we turned to the story about Jesus calming a storm. And then suddenly,
it clicked on me: If Jesus calmed a raving storm, He definitely can calm my raging mind. So right there and then, I decided to do a mantra. A mantra is a word or a phrase that you say or think over and over again. The mantra I’m using is, “Lord Jesus, please rescue me.” I chose this specific phrase as I I really need some rescuing from my obsessive mind. So whenever I catch myself thinking unproductive thoughts, I steer my mind back to my mantra – to Jesus. It also serves like a prayer for me, asking Him to help me calm my mind, calm my worries, calm my fears.

If Jesus calmed a storm, He can also calm my mind. That’s God’s one big message to me.

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