Marriage Care

How To Change Your Man

I’m sorry ladies but one of my greatest learning in marriage is that the best way to change a man is not to change him at all.

Now you’re asking, but how’s that possible? I’ll just summarize it in one word, acceptance.

You want to be the kind of company he enjoys where his feelings are safe? Accept him.

You want to be the shelter and refuge where he can run to whenever his feelings and pride get hurt? Accept him.

You want to be the best friend and confidant to whom he can share his fears and wildest dreams? Accept him.

My husband was not his same old self. When his own family saw an ugly stone, I saw a diamond. When all they notice are flaws, I noticed his strengths. When all they do was focus on limitations, I focused on potentials. I painfully accepted his ugliness and joyfully believed in his beauty. Now he is thriving, thriving to be the man God wants him to be.

When we accept our husbands we create an atmosphere where they feel safe to be who they really are, we create an atmosphere where they can thrive, we create an atmosphere where they can experiment on themselves and on their lives without any fear of being judged and criticized by us.

Yes. accept your man at his face value and never try to change or improve him, may it be for his own good or for your own convenience. If he wants to improve it should come from his own desire and not from you. After all he’s already an adult, capable of making decisions by himself.

Trying to change your man implies that he doesn’t measure up to your standards and that you can’t accept his choices and even flaws. It’s always a wonder why during the relationship, women want to mold their partners into their ideal men.

Changing your partner is a futile thing to do. It will just cause your marriage more harm than good and will possibly create some marital conflict. By so doing you are unconsciously driving your husband away from you.

These are the methods women change men: they demand, give ultimatums, threats, pushy suggestions, criticism, and disapproval or nagging. Or sometimes they use subtle methods such as moral pressure, carefully worded suggestion or a gentle hint. Worse is other woman try to change a man by using another man as a shining example. That’s a blow to his pride.

Yes we should accept them as they are, however there are things that we should not overlook. These are the situations where we’re not to change them but we should respond to their faults in a particular way. They are the following:

-When he mistreats you

-When he does something wrong

-When he is alcoholic

-When he commits infidelity

-When he doesn’t support his family

-When he abuses his children

I know acceptance isn’t easy but so does changing someone. Both are difficult. But the first option produces a more loving husband. It creates a joyful marriage, freedom and peace. It’s one of the important ingredients of any successful relationship.

On the other hand changing or improving our husbands will only create hurt and discord. He will unconsciously build a wall of resentment around him until you cannot reach him.

So now, the choice is yours.

 

1 Comment

  1. Kim

    I agree with this.

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