This morning, I really had a hard time giving Yesha a bath. She wanted to bring her book in the shower area.
And so I just placed it to where she can see it. But no, she wasn’t satisfied, she wanted to shower with her Blue’s Clues book. As she reached it, I pulled the book from her and immediately drop it on our bedroom floor. And then that was how my ordeal began.
When she knew that she can’t have her way, she started wailing as she forced her way out of my hands to the bedroom She was furious and I’m starting to get impatient too.
But then like a thunderbolt, a memory of how my mom could ever stood us flashed in my mind. I paused and thought out loud, “Oh… so this is what it’s like to be a parent.”
As I resumed with what I’m doing, she also continued with her business, crying loudly and forcing her way out of the shower area. More moments of this scene, and I was nearing the end of my rope already. And no matter how I explained or coaxed her, it’s either she didn’t listen or she didn’t understand.
So I decided to ignore her, completely, til I get our regimen done. So there she was, angry and wailing as she stomped her feet while I keep a blank face in front of her. And at that moment, it was like I’m withdrawing from her love bank. Nobody wants to be ignored like that.
But I’m no supermom, and my patience isn’t unlimited as the sky. And I know there will be several moments like this, from crossing the terrible two to passing the adolescent stage.
There will be more instances where I’ll get to withdraw from her love bank. I might ignore her acting out/tantrums again, I might shout at her when she grows up as a teenager or I might unknowingly hurt her feelings, who knows.
No matter how I gobble up parenting articles and try to be the best mom for her , I know I can’t be a perfect one. I will sometimes lose to my emotions and weaknesses. It matters, but what’s more important is I get to deposit a lot in her love bank. Appreciating her, listening to her and showing affection to her. Doing things that will make her feel loved.
So as a parent the best thing that I can do is to deliberately make an effort to deposit as much and as often as I can and to withdraw as little and as rarely as I can. With that, my withdrawals will look negligible and won’t effect much the emotional reserve in her bank.
So after few more minutes, there was Yesha, done with her tantrum, raising both her arms, wanting me to carry her. And so I cupped her in my arms to bed with her fresh nappy and clothes.We’re friends again. I read to her the book that she wanted to shower with a while ago. Then she breastfed until she finally fell asleep.
What About You?
Share your thoughts. Share your deposits and withdrawals from your child’s love bank.