I am married for more than 10 yrs to a very loving husband. I’ve been working in a prestigious company. Six months ago I have been assigned here in the UK for work in the same company. This assignment has been my sweet escape and at the same time has been a dream come true for me, not to mention my salary is three times bigger than my previous salary. I am also unhappy working in Manila because of the heavy workload and toxic people. I want to relocate my family here, but my husband wanted to continue his good paying job in the Philippines, plus he has great perks in their company, including free college tuition fees. He`s been working there for 14 years already. Long distance relationship is not an option for us.
Should I convince my husband to relocate? But it would make him unhappy or should I go back to work in Manila even if I am unhappy, where my salary is just enough and I have extended work hours and no privilege to work from home? How do we find a win-win solution?
Dear Confused Wife,
I can see that you`re trying to make a very tough decision in your life right now. You`re also thinking about the benefits that this future job will bring to your family.
When you made it clear that LDR is not an option and that he does not want to give up his career here, it seems like you are left to choose between your dream career and your husband.
I guess that your husband (and maybe your kids too) are happier to stay here in the Philippines. You are the only one in your family who is unhappy here due to the work environment of your job. If you pursue work happiness in UK, every one of your family needs to adjust, needs to have a new life.
Your husband is also enjoying good perks in his present company, and that includes free college education. Also in his career, he probably feels ‘the man,’ as this is where his forte and passion are. There could be a repercussion in your marriage when you take it away from him. If he gives up his career here, he might loose his sense of identity when he lets go of the job that he has worked for so many years. It seems like when you choose your husband, you’re also choosing your marriage.
I know that this is not an easy decision to make. And I hope that you would be guided by the wisdom above as you discern about your career and your family life.
Disclaimer: Q&A is a collection of my advices to relationship problems gathered from personal emails, messages, and public forum posts. The advices I give are influenced by my personal beliefs, experiences, and knowledge, and therefore might be biased. I tried to veer away from Biblical views of marriage in respect to non-believers and non-religious. In addition, advising is totally different from counseling where problems are explored deeper for more insights and understanding of the counselee.
Minor facts and information were changed to ensure the sender/poster’s anonymity.