INFJ Diary

On Thesis and productivity

Dear God,

For weeks and for days now, I’ve been running away from my remaining responsibilities in masters — thesis and the Know Me marketing. I am tired of working hard first and playing later. I’ve been doing that, since when? Since school days. And now, I still have to fight, fight, fight. I just want to finish fighting. There’s still more months of fighting, and I only have a sliver of energy. It seems like I’m not living my life. Like this year, it feels like I’m going to live this year for the thesis. I can feel that a big part of me is resisting.

I want to enjoy life, but every time the thought of thesis comes to mind, I feel guilty. It makes me grit my teeth thinking that I have to refrain from doing the things that I like. It’s really difficult changing gears. One moment I’m spending time with my family, and then the next moment, I have to shift to my researcher role.

The past couple of weeks, I haven’t been productive. Being unproductive makes me feel down. So I’m surprised to see my mood statistics: I’ve had more positive feelings (82%) than negative ones (18%).

So I’m thinking that life is not about being highly productive, it’s about feeling good and enjoying the little blessings that I have. Probably it’s possible to enjoy little blessing while doing thesis… I know discipline is what I need… But it’s just hard… ?

Anyway, I have to get back to my track. With Your help, I will finish this. Thank you for listening.

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