Journal, Mothershare

Postpartum Drama

Sometimes, I feel that I’m not enjoying motherhood. Those are the times when my sleep gets interrupted every morning, the times when Yesha keeps on latching and latching as if she has a bottomless stomach, the times that she keeps on crying and crying that I don’t know what she feels and what she wants me to do, the times that I feel I have no life anymore, the times that I am bored because I have no one to talk to. My life right now is very monotonous. What happened yesterday will what happen today and tomorrow.

But don’t get me wrong, I love my Yesha very much, that’s why I’m willing to do those things over and over again. I’m willing to sacrifice my comfort and my convenience. I know, sacrifice is one of the main ingredients of motherhood.

 

 Me and Yesha, taken and edited by hubby

I just have to find ways to fill my love tank so I will have more love to give to Yesha and to my hubby. Oh yes, I realized, it’s been a month that my prayer and scripture reading time have been dry. Seems like God is calling me again to spend time with Him. As what Psalm 1:2-3 said:

 “Blessed is the one
whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers”
I need to be refreshed by God again, to be inspired and to be strengthened by Him as I am starting to wither. I am just in the beginning of motherhood, and it will get more and more challenging as time passes by. And I’m gonna need God all the more, because I can’t do this all alone.
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