The Measure of Motherhood

Some moms measure their own motherhood by how well they perform the nanny duties. Making sure their kids are well groomed. Making sure the kids have eaten properly. Making sure the kids are always safe. I`m not downplaying these functions as they are very important. In reality though, you can pay and hire someone to do this for you. But you can never hire someone to give your child the affection and attention which can only be given by his/her mother. And that’s you.

Motherhood is more than fulfilling the child`s physical needs, because aside from this, the child also has emotional and psychological needs, which are often unknowingly neglected by other well-meaning mothers. Some would act as the best nanny in the world yet are hypercritical, disrespectful, and emotionally inattentive to their kids.

There are mothers who fuss about a child`s wound, but are completely unaware of the emotional wound they inflict on their child. The physical wound heals and its pain fades, but the emotional and psychological wound remain upto the child`s adulthood. Will your child harbor anger with you because you failed to dress him/her beautifully? Will your child resent you if he/she gets dirty? No. These will all be forgotten. But your child will remember, implicitly or explicitly, the times when you weren`t there when she needed you the most. She will remember the shame she felt whenever you shout and criticize her. She will remember the rejection whenever she comes to you for attention and affection and you’re busy and preoccupied. And all these memories will be imprinted on how she views herself, how she views other people, and even how she views God.

No, I would not measure my motherhood solely on filling my daughter`s physical needs, or even her intellectual needs, but also by how I fill her psycho-emotional and spiritual needs. I`m not perfect. But I will do my best with as much love and awareness that I can bring.

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