There were many times when my daughter asked me to do some things for her: “Mommy, can you please give me some water?” “Mommy, can you turn of the light, please?” “Mommy, can you clean up my toys?” And there were also many times when husband and I endured her temper tantrums for not giving in to her requests.
Although I am happy and proud of her that she could ask politely, I certainly will not do the things for her that she could do by herself (except when I see that she’s really tired or sleepy). For my husband and I, it’s better to decline her requests and suffer her outbursts now that she’s young than give in to her and suffer from her brattiness when she grows up.
I know of a mother, whose children are already adults, who just give in to her children’s request to avoid any qualms and dramas. One of her sons lost a celfone worth 60 thousand, but was completely unperturbed by the value he had lost. She also gave her daughter a car in just a flick of a finger when the daughter asked it. It’s sad but this mother enabled those negative attitudes on her children. But I don’t look to this mother with disdain or anything. I actually feel compassion towards her becase of how her kids treat her, as if she’s a walking atm. And judging by how my friend love her, who is also one of her children , I can feel that she’s a good and kind hearted woman, only that, she’s very soft inside, like pusong mamon.
I guess it takes a strong will for a parent to deny a child his request. When a child is young, one would expect anger outbursts, tantrum, and sometimes powerplay. This isn’t easy and can be stressful for the parents. But I think this must happen, otherwise, both parents and kids are kawawa when the child grows up — parents will be helpless while the kids are self-entitled.
As for us, we don’t want to be kawawa. So we just endure some inconveniences when my daughter acts out when she does not get her own way. It’s doubly challenging because she’s an only child for now. So it will be like: endure now, reap the benefits later.
Now that she’s five years old she can get her own water, initiate in cleaning up her toys, and dress herself up. I just hold on to the belief that don’t do the things for your kids which they can do for themselves. You are free to assist them and give them a hand, but don’t do it all.
